dimanche 22 juillet 2012

10 things (not) to do to a girl when you...

Sorry guys, but it has to be said (I name no one). This is no moral lesson about sex. This is suitable for teenagers TOO. These are just some basics that can change your life; ask someone else for the complete list...

1.      Do not ask her every second “Are you Okay?”: sex should be good and safe, if you are afraid to hurt her, have no sex! This is irritating, basically, but if in the course of action you make it sound like, uh... “Aaaa... rrrre youuuu OOOOk’aaaayyy?” (bonus score if your voice comes out pointed),  the girl starts asking herself questions about her part in it.
 Of course she will answer “Yes... Yes...”, but before the third time you ask, it will be faked.

2.      Let her touch whatever she wants to: you have a panoramic view, she doesn’t! (You will come to like it, trust me).

3.      Do not comment on her shaving: if you find it itchy, what do you think we feel like? Just once, wax your leg (one is enough pain for non-SM lovers) and you will understand half of it; just once, shave your “private surroundings” and wait for 3 days (takes a week to get better).
The easiest and most efficient erogenous area to find is not the one you think of... Skin is all-over the body, it is composed of thousands of sensors that have but one wish: get activated!
Massage, when done properly, is... WOW!

4.      Women are no lockers: they will not open up if you turn the nipple upside-down. The nipple itself is not the most sensitive part* (it is designed to resist baby teeth); try the soft skin at the border... The French says to turn your tongue around in your mouth 7 times before speaking; then ask her if she likes it or prefers massage.
*About 1% of women can get a “nipple-orgasm”. If the nipple goes a bit inward, she is the 1%.

5.      Frigidity does not exist: it is all about the way your team plays. Learn what she likes (ask! Here is a sweet method:) Try to look very serious, like a dedicated pupil, point at something, look at her face (eyes), then stimulate that thing in deep concentration, then look at her again “How could I make it better?”.
The tip is to stay away from the “critical area”; are left: elbow, knee, hip, chin... the range is wide. Be creative! Feathers, ice cube (for experts only), a lock of hair (if still on someone’s head)...

6.      Women do not have a licence on multiple orgasms: men can have deep, powerful, non-staining orgasms. It is a technique you can practise anywhere, it takes about 20 minutes for the first one (like women’s, oh!) and then...
Prostate is your best friend from now on. Check on the Internet! If anyone says that you must be gay, tell them it is the best way to prevent cancer (true!) and live longer (good sex keeps good shape!). Do not worry; it is like knocking on Heaven’s door, but pressing on the doorbell.

7.      When a girl cuddles, 98% of the time she just wants to cuddle. (If she wanted sex, she would already have everything in hand, if you see what I mean). So take her in your arms, kiss endlessly like when you were in (Junior) High School, let her love You, instead of your best friend, Willy (the French call it “Popol”).

8.      Women do not have less needs. Women have more. Women just try to look for quality instead of quantity (which explains why we go for older guys sometimes).

9.      Life is not a movie. You cannot last forever. Moaning, swaring or facials are not necessary. Even Australia has no map for the Bush. “No” and “ouch!” might mean it hurts: listen to her! There is no magical button; there is no magic wand either. Everyone is different, has different feelings. Just respect that.

To all women who are desperate because it does not work as you imagined it would, stop expecting to find an orgasm in Santa’s sack. It all comes from within; you are the only one who can grant yourself the right to feel it! Do not be afraid of your body; do not listen to someone else: the solution is in your mind!

To all guys that now feel like kicking me down (ego... ego... ego...), I am too far away! :p

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Bonjour !
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Belle journée !